Killing Your Darlings

Its the third week of Sophie Speaks, and I am finding it tough to make time for Her.

 

The thing is I already have a lot going on in my life. My husband and I blended our families almost ten years ago, and together we have seven children, the youngest being 12, whom you have met, the oldest 24 and in her first year as a teacher. I call them my bookends. In between, there are 2 high school students and three college students.

 

And yesterday, I accepted a new job. I know, crazy.

 

Walking out the front door of their office, I knew I had the job if I wanted it. And I knew I would accept, after taking the requisite day to think about it. With three in college, I need this income. I wanted to celebrate. Kids are all in school. Husband at work. I considered going shopping, but I couldn't think of a thing I wanted to do. Except one.

I wanted to write.

I drove to the Panera down the street. I ordered tea and an egg souffle. And I sat there for three hours copying pages from Anna Karenina. I had missed her over the weekend. I am on page 26, and still Anna hasn't shown up on the page, but I know she is on her way. If Tolstoy had workshoped his novel in a writing class today, they would have trashed him. Throat clearing, I have heard it called by someone I knew in my Masters Program. Tolstoy's colleagues would have urged him to cut liberally, also known as "killing your darlings." It means to be willing to cut even your most preciously loved words in order to make the story better. I have whole computer files full of sentences I loved too much to delete completely, even though I knew did not have a place in the final draft.

 

Life is like this too, I think. We have people or experiences that are important to our story. Maybe they end up getting cut somewhere along the way. Still, they stay with us; we know they had a hand in getting us all the way to the end.

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